MIRACLE

something i learnt just now :

God always see.. God always know.. so never worry on anything we have done our best at. it's natural to let everything flow smoothly, then just see the effect a few time later :)

that is a good point i learnt today through life process.

memulai aktivitas cuti kerja sehari dengan positive matters. definitely satisfied enough to know i've accomplished my missions :)
aku melanjutkan kegiatan hari ini dengan berangkat kuliah (which i was a bit lazy, admit that!). kuliah sore ini : teori sosiologi 2 (teori kritis & postmo). well, what the hell are they so i have to pay full attention?? perhaps merely to get good mark (admit this too!). i love learning new things, including sociology, but this course is shockingly awful for me. the chaos of thinking ruins my settled understanding of life and its friends. i should have to be an open minded girl. it will distinguish me in the childish version and me in the mature form ;)
see.....














around 2005.. innocent face











now... more mature (hope so!!!)





the "around 2005" me is absolutely the childish one.. afraid of changes.. have no courage to be different n try new challenge.
and the "now" me explicitly exhibits me in the mature way (hopefully.. *sigh*).
yet, i'm still afraid of something i don't recognize well, but this fear won't be great barrier for me.
DONE MY BEST & NEVER GIVE UP : cliche moto but works! and i just undergo another miracle just by practising those to my ordinary life in recent years.
MIRACLE.. yup miracle, it can be said like that.
miracle, here, not always mean something big & amazing. it could be as simple as my simple prayer to God. that's it. but it's more than enough.
keputusanku untuk resign is (no doubt) the righteous mistake :P. i write "RIGHTEOUS MISTAKE" for it is not fully CORRECT, cuz some still think this decision is WRONG, but i myself have the privilege to make up my mind n take control. then, the others will just say "okay, that's your life. just take care of it" [even my parents told so :( ].
so... the term righteous is to impress that i myself is the one and only who decide & take a single control over myself.
now, i find myself smiling in front of my lappy, grinning, not sobbing anymore, no sorrow, no longer desperate. all because of the MIRACLE. don't think of such big thing. this is just the answer to my doubt, my hesitation lately. and i finally am aware of God's power to show it, slowly but sure.
dan disinilah diriku mulai mencari tema untuk artikelku (well, not kinda big publishing, but amazingly i love it soooooooo much!! :)) )

the article's waitin' for me...... siiiyaaaahhh
nice days.. God bless you all ;))

balada (menjelang peresmian) seorang pengangguran terselubung

sebenarnya hari ini diriku belum resmi jadi "pengangguran terselubung" (kan sambil S2, jadi bukan bener2 pengangguran, mskpn nganggur :P).. but the feeling of being unemployment is already hanging and shouting out in my dearest mind. dan malas bekerja menjadi pemakluman.. haha.. alasan aja!!
so, aku harus berjuang untuk sesuatu hal dan it takes longer time. so, gimana kalo bolos kerja?????
niat untuk membolos kerja itu terbersit sejak hari sebelumnya (senin kemarin, sekarang selasa, just to inform). dimulai dengan percakapan ringan at lunch time dengan rekan kerja mengenai prosedur pembuatan suatu dokumen (bisa dibilang begitu) dan sudah jadi sangat lumrah kalo birokrasi di indonesia tuh mbyuleettt gag jelas.. haha.. maaf ya negaraku, this is true anyway. so i decided to take one day off, to finish that forkin' document in "easier" way, ehm ehm, not in a negative way. just find another alternative to solve my problem (aha??)
and here i am today, enjoying my off day, starting with stay late until early morning (for about 4a.m). but that was the positive one cuz i spent all nite long by googling.. googling.. and googling.. for the sake of what so called future..(wow!)
yeeeaahh... until finally i started yawning a lil bit and more, i just realize it was already 2.30 a.m and okay i think it's better to have "sahur" directly (besok mau puasa gitu guys.. bertobat.. kiamat sudah dekat.. :D)
after having sahur, i take subuh pray and it felt i was sleepy (at last! thanks God!). but this is me whom can't sleep long. jam 7 teng pun diriku sudah terbangun. membuka beberapa sms dan membalasnya. kemudian menelpon bos untuk ijin (excuse : gag enak badan --> fact : a bit unwell but still able to work :P)
setelah ngulet2 secukupnya, at 8 i got up n ready for today :)
dan berangkatlah diriku pagi ini untuk berurusan dengan birokrasi (yang ternyata di tempat alternatif ini begitu simpel dan hangat!!, tak seperti di tempat kerjaku - sebagai perbandingan aja).
kegiatan calon pengangguran inipun berlanjut ke bank.. stationary store dan ke photo studio.. tuh kan, meskipun ijin kerja, aku tetap sibuk, rite?? cuz i injected hyperactive serum into my body and this is me, can't stop doing something.
dan ketika selamat tiba di rumah, mulai terpikir bagiku untuk menajalani hari seprti apa di hari2 awal pengangguranku next week. serem tapi menantang..
here they are the to do list in my early unemployment days :

..going to Surabaya (ssssttttt....)
..going to campus to meet my beloved lecturers & legalizing documents (as always)
..going to post office to post the proposal of life
..starting to ask friends of mine (ya tentunya minta dikasih kerjaan or projek sana sini..)
..finishing my ass-ignment-hole yang makin deket gile sm hari H hand in.. (gini2.. aku anak kuliahan lho.. mskpn gag meyakinkan bgt)

see.... konsep pengangguran yang sharian hanya bermalas-malasan tidak berlaku buatku.. hey, aku memang belum resmi juga jadi penganggurannya.. let's see if there's (or there are) miracle (or miracles) along this week.. hope to see it.. *ngareepp*



this is me.. and the way i choose to life on.. ketika aku memutuskan mengambil langkah ini, pro kontra berdatangan. sempat bimbang. but i know that this supposed to be the best way i can be.. the best thing i can do.. so far..

p.s : buat para jobseeker, keep fighting and never surrender ^_^

it's okay to be not okay

and my tears just fall down...
and my heart just start envying..

it's ridiculous...
it's heartless to put off my fight with the jealousy
pliz.. this is not me!!
i want to be brave to say that i'm okay
but i finally give up by myself
staring down on my feet grounding on earth
and i'm totally not fine enough
but time by time teaches me : it is sometime okay to say that i'm not okay.. i'm a bit unwell.. to deliver our energy to our surroundings and let them in to our life to assist us... cuz it's absolutely alright to be unwell

so.. here i am.. feeling no good... n i admit it... hopefully i could fix it up..
the world will not laugh at me if i just reassure myself that i'm not okay.. n it would be just fine!!

Malang,
2 Nov 2009
15:15