one big dream,, another big dream,,

i'm just a lil bit caught in the middle life is a maze and love is a riddle i don't know where to go can't do it alone i've tried and i don't know why

~ Lenka, The Show~

i don't know where to go. i don't know what to do. i can't figure out which path i have to pass through. so bad and so pity.
cuz another DILEMMA occured. another T-junction, or (perhaps) intersection of my life. i hate when i arrive at this spot but i'll face it no matter how. and no matter how i have to make up my mind, which path, the right way to go to my better future. there's no faster path, or instant way, cuz it needs process, the process to take the path, the time we need.

today, the last two days i've surprised by lotta surprises. in a sudden i found my sun again. and it's not exaggerating to say that i'm shining again. hehe :D
but those surprises a bit confusing me, not really a bit, but much much much confusing me. me with "now" life is of course need some reparation here and there. need to be fixed soon. but this GOOD NEWS of my future shocking me in a minute, then force me to think in another minute. contemplating again. :(

to draw my condition today, maybe like this:



i can merely stand and get confused more and more. but keep in silence is also having its own risk : being left by others who have move forward and dare to take chalenge. so move and move and move. make up my mind NOW.
ya Allah, ya Rabb, please guide me, show me the best way cuz You are The One who have power of me and all of Your Creatures.. i know You'll show me the best way i have to take.. and the blessing life for me.. amiin ^_^

i have been one step closer to my dream, but another big dream is waiting for me. i'm just worrying that this chance won't come twice. :(
and i just let it go away in a glance and make my self drowning deeper. such hard circumstance. i hope i can find light, by this midnight cuz this big dream won't wait me until tomorrow. oh gosh, i hate when i have to choose one of two or more. it's difficult. >.<

i love contemplating more right now.

(still) Malang, 15 Dec '09
21:42