i need tons of CHANGES, please

is it what i'm heading for? of course it is! tomorrow's the final decision of the next change and i must be ready for it. "Go ahead, iqmy. don't listen to what people say but listen to your heart, to the whisper of your prays. cuz it might be the answer of your recent questions.."
God... i thank for the pouring of blessing into my life. it's peaceful to know that you are always in my heart, letting me stand on my ground, stare at the sky, but still mention your name in my breath. everything is almost perfect, ya Allah and nothing compares to my life now. people i love, blessing life, happiness inside and chaos of thought as well ;)
is it what i'm heading for? absolutely! no doubt of it as i'll get so much more to do by breaking the standardized "routine" surrounding me. aaarrrgggggggghhh, i hate it. i hate to say what i dun wanna say. living a life i just can't walk in its line carefully as if i'm the true rule breaker. but i'm not. i'm merely a part of hundreds of human kinds whose ideas are in sort of breakthrough ones.
it's quite difficult to be the "different", walk conversely toward the standardized way.

you know what, the correct & simple way to portray me : I NEED CHANGE!!!!
stagnancy will just kill me slowly but sure.. haha.. :D
and, unluckily, lotta people just envy me for being change lover. and i dare them for the sake of self-development. probably they just don't like to see me in the better way than now.
perhaps they will betray me just to see me fall into pieces, but smile at me when i look at their face. old tricks won't work to treat me wrong. yet i'm still crying when i know that even the one who i think don't have any problems with me, do stab me. cruel hah? it's unfair. but once more, this is life and faces are often covered by masks, usually to hide their own grieves. but i don't wanna talk more on their drawbacks, it wouldn't heal me much, even make me worse.

just let myself experience all kinds of negative energy surrounding, and then i can make up my mind to select what's good, what's not good.
all i know, in short, this change knows me best, cuz it always comes everytime i need.
at last, i still stand here (though after crying) and smile widely with no hurt feeling at atll to them, whom already make a negative life of the past time. ;)

dare them!!! then, prove!! ;))