contemplation part -whatever-

setidaknya aku mengerti bahwa kadangkala hati yang terdalam pun merasakan perih yang amat ketika realita begitu menusuk dan melukai.
this is what happen to me, yesterday. when goodbye meant nothing and farewell was just a simple ceremony with no memorable content, it hurts me much.
kerja kerasku selama 20 hari terakhir ternyata tidak berarti, or exactly, tidak dihargai! i feel too deeply regreting my coming in the last 20 days. ternyata hanya berakhir seperti ini. kalau begitu, kalau tau akan seperti ini, i won't listen to his order, command me to come until the new one is ready enough. see? the new one is ready to work and 'm ready to leave.
temans, pernahkah kalian berada di posisiku? bekerja keras namun mendapat feedback yang tak berarti atau malah tak ada? apa artinya semua ini temans? the only answer i know is keep silent and cry.. :'(

menulis semua yang tengah ku rasakan bukan berarti aku mengungkit-ungkit masalah dan diartikan sebagai "gag ikhlas"..
cuz writing here is helping me, release negative energy inside my body, my painful body..! so i do apology if my writing in this bloody hell blog isn't giving any positive intakes for you all.. this blog is my dearest friends, it consists of any positives negatives of me, in the mean time, it also shows me from the place where i hide, but i can't hide. not anymore.

i am still carefully editing every single posts in case people have different understanding and it could trigger unexpected perspective of me. ;)

disinilah temans, aku mencoba untuk tegar, menatap hidupku, yang terkadang seperti terlalu suram, dan dalam sekejap pun bisa terlihat begitu indah. i my self am not correctly seeing my internal side, but i do make friends, at least i'm trying to, with my mind, my heart and my physical existence on earth. by doing so, i expect to be SOMEONE.

perenungan menjadikan kita semakin dewasa. apalagi perenungan terhadap berbagai aral dalam hidup. but contemplation must be continued by doing SOMETHING. get up is the only answer!

aku yakin, mskpn sulit, sooner or later i have to adapt with reality. it's painful, yet no one will understand us as best as ourselves. so why waiting for help? help ourselves! aku harus membantu diriku sendiri, untuk bangkit, untuk menatap segala yang ada di depan mata, untuk menata ulang kepingan-kepingan hidupku.. sounds exaggerating rite? :P

here, i promise myself not to cry any longer! not to excuse myself for being stagnant! not to escape from any troubles of mine! and keep struggling for whatever reason, wherever and whenever as long as i have to struggle :))

now is saturday nite and i'm babbling too much,,
G'nite and be brave! ^_^ v

~entering new life, heading you challenge~

Malang, 21 Nov '09
22:04